Abandonment & Death

In the past two weeks since his death, I have handed my infant baby to my father. My father at 23, in his dirty white t-shirt. She is so happy there.. I took care of her. She trusts me. I am holding my adult self now in my grief and he is holding my infant self. There is more hair on his head. He walks across the top floor of our first home holding me with a gentle bounce. He is calm and seems like his most true self, exactly what my infant needed at the time. I see and feel the way the light shines into the windows, just how I remember it as a small child. When I am sad about his death, many of my parts come and show up for me. And when I check in on my infant, he has her. He is calm with a gentle smile and assuring that he’s got this now.